Dating For Boomers
Okay, imagine you?re a love and attraction coach and one of your keenest specialties is helping people date and then zero in on an ideal mate. You have many tools, not the least of which is hypnosis.
Now who would you guess are your most fervent clients?
If you said it was hormone-driven 20-somethings, you?d be wrong. They do some in, get results and send me engagement announcements, but they are not the ones who keep my doors open and my brain working.
It?s the 35?s, 40?s, 50?s and up. Smart, assured, well-connected and self-directed.
They?ve loved and lost, and still crave the companionship and passion they?ve had snatched away from them, or tossed away themselves. They know what it?s like to be in a great relationship; either they?ve had one, or they?ve got the blueprint in their minds. But now, how to make it happen?without falling into the same traps of the past?
If you were me, helping them would be your mission. Would you accept it? Sure! Because these just may be the coolest, most interesting people on Earth.
Why? You?re smart, experienced, discerning, and directed. That?s a good combo for dating.
I know that not every date-waiting boomer can visit me in my Chicago office (though many rave about our phone sessions!) so if you wish you could but you can?t, here are some tips to get you started in your own sphere. (If, on the other hand, can make it out to the Mag Mile, I would love to meet you.)
1. Approach dating only when you?re feeling pretty good about yourself.
You will absolutely project what you feel. So if you feel worthless and you go to a singles event, guess how you?ll come across? And if you think it would be terrible to project worthlessness and get no interest, attention, or dates, there is actually something worse: Projecting worthlessness and attracting people who want to date someone who feels worthless so they can take advantage of him or her. And it happens far too often.
Now you may be wondering: if I feel worthless a lot of the time, does this mean I can?t look for love? Good question. Here comes the answer?
2. Learn techniques to bolster your feeling of self worth and confidence.
Use them anytime you go where datable people might be. You?ll project good feelings and are likely to attract the same. Confidence is circular. You feel it, people sense that, they respond well to you, and you feel more confident! And so it goes. Even being in the process of creating confidence makes you feel good.
Try these.
- Give yourself a new look.
Your way of dress and self presentation, your ?look? has a shelf life just like eggs do. Is yours beyond the expiration date? Freshen up: hairstyle, clothing choices, shoes, and even coats and purses. Look like you know what?s happening today and you want to be part of it.
Also make changes that complement your current weight, hair color, and skin tone. They all change over time, and often for the better.
Once you have the look, get it to feel comfortable. Expert help, by the way, is useful and often complimentary. See which of your current wardrobe and accessories still work. You?ll be surprised at which ones get a new life by creating new combinations.
Give away or donate what doesn?t work. Generosity is life affirming.
- Stop comparing dating life to how it was in your 20?s. It?s not just that you?re different. The world is different.
This has little to do with your looks, if that?s what you?re thinking. You are attractive enough. You can attract someone, that?s not at issue. It?s just not going to happen exactly the way it happened years ago.
Find out the new rules in general and the new rules for your age, religious, and social group. You may discover that some ideas that were off-putting before have changed to what better suits you. Hurrah! But don?t be too surprised.
It?s your age group that is currently running the world. Honest.
- Be a host to others.
No, it?s not true that you have to achieve everything you desire before you?re worthy of mentoring, assisting, or being a cheerleader to those on a similar quest. There are things you know that they don?t, and it?s okay to share.
Unless you hang around with the same people and at the same places all the time, you are not competition to each other. The field is wide, tastes vary, and, contrary to popular opinion, there is no shortage of people becoming single.
3. Get assistance.
- It?s really okay, so be okay with it.
It?s really, really okay to ask for advice and assistance. If you think of dating well, it can look like a great big puzzle. Consider that people you meet along the way have knowledge of different parts of that puzzle. Why not help each other with the areas in which you each have expertise.
- You know friends who know stuff.
The friends who know how to dress for dating success?get their help.
The friends who seems to understand how guys?or gals think?ask them to help translate what?s been puzzling you. Caution: there?s no guarantee they?ll be right, but another perspective, especially an educated one,is often useful.
The friends who know to go for a date, and what places to steer clear of, have them weigh in.
Ditto for current thinking on who pays, how soon is too soon, all useful areas to debate, especially if you haven?t been dating in a long time.
- Ultimately, it?s your life and your choice.
In the final analysis, who you see, where you go, what you do or don?t do, are your decision. And nobody?s opinion matters more than yours. You get to live with what you choose.
4. Remember: you?re not twenty-two. At the same time, be twenty-two.
What the hay does that mean? Simple: you?re not twenty-two: untested, unscarred, unhurried and often, well, unconscious. You know what you know and you need to respect the wisdom of it. But at the same time, you sometimes will need to cast off the disgruntled, cynical and overly protective parts of that (Notice I said ?overly? skeptical).
And what does ?be twenty-two? mean?
Recall and embrace the enthusiasm of that time in your life, the ability to go along for the ride, believe that great things are possible, and know that you deserve them.
5. Start playing.
Eventually you?ll need to put aside all the prepping, questioning and analyzing and get your feet wet again in the game. If you think of everything as an experiment and an experience, something to enjoy, learn from, and educate yourself with, you?ll do just fine.
So stop reading.
Get out there and play. The game board is yours. ?2008 by Wendy Lapidus-Saltz. All rights reserved.
Wendy Lapidus-Saltz is a hypnotist & mind coach specializing in love attraction and career issues. She maintains a Chicago office and works with clients worldwide by phone, offering a free phone consult. To help decide how hypnosis can help you, you can reach her at ILAPSAL@aol.com or 312-640-1584. For more info, do visit her websites: http://www.hypno-attraction.com and http://nonsmoker4life.com
WNQA Articles:
Pregnancy Induced Hypertension
Hypertension is the medical term for high blood pressure. If you are diagnosed with hypertension, it means that your blood pressure is too high and is putting too much pressure on the artery walls as it travels through the body. If undiagnosed or not treated properly, hypertension can cause serious damage to the arterial system, kidneys, brain and eyes. Hypertension may also result in death, as it is the leading cause of strokes.
Gardening Vertically: Fad, Emerging Frontier or Long-Overlooked Art Form
Sure, it makes sense that there's a buzz about vertical gardening–there are lots more of us to feed these days with much less productive land. "Let's make the best use of our diminishing resources," many are saying.
Marriage Advice: Eight Steps to Marital Harmony
The formula for marital harmony and success is not a mysterious secret. It's actually very straightforward.
Weight Loss Program: Do Your Expectations Sabotage Your Success?
When women talk about their biggest obstacles to successful weight and health management, we often hear about hurdles like not enough time or knowledge to prepare healthy meals. Or frequent social occasions that involve food.
Low Fat Snacks For Weight Loss and Good Health
Eating a low fat diet can be tough. Especially in the beginning when you feel like you are starving for at least twenty hours of the day. Eating a low fat diet and getting healthy doesn�t have to mean you have to suffer. Try some of these low fat snacks that will keep you feeling full.
Four Tips For Easy Weight Loss
Tip #1 - Eat Fruits Instead of Unhealthy Snacks - One thing you may want to do to help get rid of belly fat is to start eating more fruits instead of eating snacks that are unhealthy. Fruits are very good for you and they have few calories and the have a lot of fiber and water in them. This will keep you from getting hungry as often and they will also provide you with many great vitamins that will improve your health as well.
Weight Loss Camp Vacation For Children
If you are a parent concerned about your overweight children or teenager, why not take them for a vacation at a weight loss camp. There are 2 benefits in this, firstly, you are on a vacation with your kids spending quality time together and at the same time able to educate your children or even yourself about permanent weight loss. Your family can thus live a healthy lifestyle and avoid the dangers of obesity diseases.
Weight Loss Diet
Women had always been conscious of their weight. The trend for some had been to look pencil-thin to be called beautiful. Still, there are some women who prefer to look "healthier", meaning, not being too skinny, balancing their weight with their actual height.
Weight Loss the Easy Way You Should try!
An easy weight loss method that works every time has yet to be invented but that doesn't mean you should give up looking; many regimes do work very well, although a great deal depends on the user and their doctor. Being overweight or obese harms lives immensely as it lowers self-esteem, increases health risks and reduces most of a person's physical abilities.
The Ann Arbor Dating Scene - A Blueprint For Us All
Online dating is one of the most popular and fastest growing industries specially visited by the singles. Although role of caste, creed, and religion is negligible in the modern day dating scene, still there are orthodox people who consider these things important and an essential part of their life. Therefore free interracial dating sites are the right places for people who are open to dating and does believe in caste creed and religion. Christian dating sites are unique in the sense that they generally do not allow people or do not consider them eligible to be members if they do not suit the criterion of being Christian.
Home Care for the Monsoon
Given that the monsoon season lasts for a few months in India, there are many aspects that need to be looked into while considering home care needs. In fact, it is a good idea to get a professional to do an inspection of your home, old or new, prior to the monsoon and ensure that you find and fix the problems that keep recurring.
Rapid Weight Loss - Is It Healthy and Does It Work?
It is important that the public not only understand the right ways to lose weight, but also equally understand the wrong ways!There have been many FAST weight loss systems that have come and gone over years – The Cambridge Diet and Slim Fast are two that spring to mind. "LighterLife" is the latest meal replacement diet to tempt the public.
Diet And Weight Loss - Is It Really Necessary To Lose Weight?
Excess is definitely not just a cosmetic problem. People who are obese are at greater risk of developing health problems like heart disease, diabetes, stroke and more. What is alarming is that the rate of people becoming obese today is reaching epidemic proportions. While we can attribute this trend to numerous factors like a sedentary lifestyle, fast-food chains and overeating ? the ultimate reason why obesity exists is because many of us choose to do nothing about it.