Dating Tips: Creating Sexual Tension

Sexual tension is paramount in any interaction with a woman.

It is the energy, or charge of the interaction. Its application is subtle, but powerful.

There are many different conceptualizations of sexual tension floating around in the seduction community.

Some examples of these are cocky bantering and flirting, explicit sexual interest paired with false barriers, using the word "sexy" to convey a sexual intent, and of course the old Speed Seduction route - complex language patterns intended to implant sexual thoughts in a woman's mind.

Some of these techniques are better than others, and can definitely improve the quality and success of your pickups. I prefer a very pure definition of sexual tension because it is grounded in real sexual desire, and a very natural way of magnifying the tension felt by the woman.

Sexual tension is the presence of a controlled arousal state, in the absence of overt sexual interest.

When the time is right, I create sexual tension by focusing my sexual desire on my woman, but not making any overt sexual advances. I maintain intrigue, a sense of ambiguity, which keeps her focused on me, and directs her mind toward sexual thoughts. My state is transferred to her, and she is now aroused. It is then only a matter of handling logistics through leadership and compliance techniques.

Controlled Sexual Arousal State

There are two reasons why a sexually aroused state is so important. First, women love sex. A sexual man is valuable to a woman because he can give her pleasure. Women are attracted to men who are attracted to women.

The second reason is more subtle. There is a phenomenon I call "state-transfer." Have you ever been in a bad mood, and a friend came by in a really great, excited mood?

Your mood probably changed, and you found yourself smiling and cheering up in spite of yourself.

How do you feel around someone when they are nervous?

You feel nervous too! Think of a time you were with a woman, say a girlfriend, and she was obviously very horny and sexually aroused, but you weren't doing anything sexual. You probably got excited because she was excited. This is how humans hypnotize each other in every day life - we transfer our states to each other.

Can you see where this is going?

State transfer may occur on a metaphysical, psychic energy level. But more so, a state is transferred with non-verbal sub communication. When you are turned on, your voice subtly (or not so subtly) reflects your state, as do your facial expressions, eye contact, manner of touching, body language, and a million other little things to numerous to try to micromanage.

How to have a controlled arousal state

It's not as simple as just being turned on, although that's part of it. State control is vital - if you are nervous or uncomfortable, you won't be able to get sexually aroused. (State control is not only vital in seduction, but in life. It allows you to stay calm, generally happy, and more productive. In spiritual terms, it is sometimes called "staying centered" or having " peace of mind.")

The best way to stay calm and comfortable in social situations is experience. Socialize more, go out (sober), get experience talking to women.

Meditation, good diet, avoidance of harmful indulgences like drug use, television, internet ( porn), and regular exercise all help.

For the "getting turned on" part, raising your testosterone level will have an incredible effect. Natural ways to increase testosterone include heavy weight training (squats, deadlifts, bench press, etc.) zinc supplementation, eating lots of animal protein, and if possible, regular sex.

You already know how to get aroused. During your interactions with women, simply focus on what she' d look like naked, or imagine having sex with her, or whatever fun little thoughts you want to entertain.

Creating Tension

The tension component is really an extension of the second level of the Attraction Hierarchy - Intrigue. Intrigue can be described in two ways. It can be seen as a lack of over-validating a woman, or getting her attention fixated on you by being ambiguous and holding back information.

These are flip sides of the same coin. Applied to sexual tension, we enter a sexual state, but don' t verbalize our desire.

If we did, she may like it, or not like it, but at now she knows where she stands - she is validated.

That isn't bad, but it's not optimal. She has you figured out, and knows you want her, which gives her the option of forgetting about you and focusing elsewhere. You are "solved."

Another key point about verbalizing sexual interest is that it puts her in a position where she has to agree to it. She must consciously admit that this is leading to sex. Again, that's not bad, but is not optimal, and sometimes can create a mental block in her mind for getting isolated with you.

Imagine sitting in a room with a closed treasure chest in front of you. Then you open it and find gold coins. When is the chest more interesting?

True, the gold coins are great, but there's no longer a mystery. You can even forget about the gold coins for a while to go watch TV or call a friend, because those coins aren't going anywhere.

But before you know what's in there, that chest preoccupies your mind and keeps your attention.

Once you have mastered that concept, you're well on your way.

Vin DiCarlo is an international dating coach, and the founder and CEO of DiCarlo DiClassified. He has trained thousands of clients spanning four continents and continues to tour the globe improving the lives of men of all ages. He currently resides in Boston, MA and enjoys jazz, mixed martial arts and travel.