Mike's Dating Story
(Black Couch Tales)
Mike was completely stressed when he walked into my office last week. Taking a long drink of water, he slumped onto my black leather couch and sighed.
"Coach," he said. "I need to get out of my relationship."
Mike is 38 years old and a successful screenwriter. Mike was also perpetually single with a long history of failed relationships. His situation is typical: he wasn't necessary afraid of something long-term, he just could never find "the One". Mike could never stay in a romantic situation for long before moving to something new.
Today's session was no different. Once again he found himself feeling stuck with someone he didn't want to be with. He told me his story.
"I met Lexy about a year ago. I was at a bar and there she was. She looked awesome and had a great smile. I was attracted and I just had to get to know her."
For Mike it always started with physical attraction. He continued, "We really hit it off. The next thing you know, we are heavily involved. Things were great at least... the first six months were a blast... really fun. I think I gained ten pounds though. My buddy calls it the Love Diet. You stop going to the gym, order in, and stay in bed day and night."
Mike's enthusiasm began to fade as he said, "After the first six months things slowly started to change. We started to get to know each other outside of the bedroom. The more we talked, the more I realized that I had nothing in common with her. And to be honest... this is sort of rough to admit... I wasn't interested in a thing she had to say."
"Our relationship became tense at worst and polite at best. Little things started to bug me. The way she chewed her food drove me insane. The way she laughed... it was this high-pitched squeal that I think only dogs could hear... it made me nuts."
He sighed. "I'm getting on her nerves too. Last week Lexy nearly shoved me out of bed because she said I was snoring too loud."
Mike straightened up and locked eyes with me. "We need to break up and it's been a long time coming anyhow. I'm okay with that. But what I really need to figure out is: what the heck is going on in my relationships? It's always the same. Is it me? Am I meeting the right women? I'm 38 and I still haven't figured it out."
Dating often starts as a chance meeting where physical attraction leads us to relationships we "end up in" rather than a choice we stop and think about. We get caught up in the excitement of meeting someone new. We give in to the rush!
But eventually the "chemical reaction" of attraction begins to sputter. The excitement fades and we often find ourselves with a person we don't know that well. In Mike's case, he realized he was with someone he couldn't stand to be around.
This leads us to online dating. There are aspects of character and personality that will create a bond beyond the initial stage of attraction, and online dating allows us to go beyond the chance meeting, beyond the physical attraction. We can search out potential matches that we might never meet in our everyday lives. With the click of a mouse we have access to a wealth of information: interests, hobbies, passions, lifestyle, beliefs, and more.
Online dating allows us to approach dating from an entirely different angle. Instead of getting to know someone from the outside-in, we can establish a relationship from the inside-out.
Does this "more informed" method your romantic life lead to a more compatible and satisfying relationship? Unfortunately the answer is "No!"
Just like physical attraction alone isn't enough to carry a long-term relationship, having things in common alone won't satisfy you. You still need physical attraction. You may find tons of people online who will seem perfect. Then you meet face-to-face and you know in a split-second that this person is not for you. You never really know what will happen until you meet.
But imagine if you are attracted! The reason you decided to meet in the first place was because you have things in common and your personalities meshed. You've already laid the foundation to take your dating beyond the physical.
What online dating really offers is opportunity to find and communicate with lots of people with whom we share common interests and qualities. It's not the holy grail of dating, but it's an excellent way to increase your chances of finding something long-term.
You may still have to go on many dates to find your match, but that is why the Internet is so exciting! There are always new people to find, and always the opportunity for that next date.
Mike is currently online dating and loving it! I encourage you to give it a try for yourself.
About the Author
Devlyn Steele ("America's Leading Life-Coach") is a Relationship Coach, Life Coach. A Columnist as well as radio host. Devlyn has also developed ToolsToLife.com. As a Relationship-Coach Devlyn has created the http://www.OnlineDatingKit.com which teaches Internet daters the skills they need to find their perfect matches on their own and offers a complementary e-book at no cost on "How To Choose The Right Dating Site For You."
WNQA Articles:
Pregnancy Planner - A Quick Guide
Weeks 1 to 3 are the first weeks of pregnancy. Week 1 begins on the first day of your last menstrual period.
Weight Loss Vs. Fat Loss: Discover Why Your Scale May Be Your Worst Enemy
In your pursuit of a leaner body, you know doubt utilized a bathroom scale to chronicle your progress. However, you may have been doing yourself a grave disservice. As you know, a scale measures how much weight you have lost, but it will never tell you where this weight was lost from. This is where the problem lies. When dieting, your combined weight loss could potentially come from fat loss, water loss, or muscle loss. Obviously, the former is what we all want to achieve, and the latter two are what we need to try and avoid whenever dieting. Unfortunately, many of the fad diets claiming rapid weight loss are often achieving this at the expense of water loss and/or muscle loss. Generally speaking, if you are losing greater than two pounds p...
Weight Loss Tips For Better Nutrition
If you want to practice better nutrition and start on a road to better health, there are a lot of simple things to do that when put together will make big changes in the way you feel, and how your body feels. The best way to do this is to get back to nature. That means eating whole foods ? fresh food that is the way it was created in nature. That means it has not been through a trip to a processing facility.
Burning Body Fat With A Diet And Exercise Plan
Obesity is one of the main causes of low confidence. It makes a person feel unattractive. It makes you want to blend into the walls. It keeps you from exploiting your true potential. More importantly, obesity is also a health risk. There may not be a need to be as waif-thin as the models on fashion runways. However, one cannot undermine the importance of being fit. An obese or overweight person is far more vulnerable to several health risks than a slimmer and fitter person. Heart disease, diabetes, cancer -- these are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the health problems that overweight people are susceptible to.
Making the Food Pyramid Work After Weight Loss Surgery
A "normal-tummy" looks at the food pyramid from the bottom up – six to eleven servings of grains, then fruits and vegetables – then the protein groups: meat and beans and the milk group. The fats, oils and sweets are incidental.
Exercise The Right Way - One-Arm Dumbbell Rows
Other articles in this series looked at a number of exercises, mainly from the perspective of developing a comprehensive muscle building program. Sometimes we take things for granted, especially when it comes to performing the basic exercises that constitute the core of most bodybuilders' training regimes.
An Important Message About Fitness & Exercise
Nowadays, many people, particularly those that have certain kinds of diseases, start exercising for the sole purpose of losing weight. When the pounds do not drop as quickly or as completely as they would like, they get discouraged and give up.
Dress for Dating Success: Clothes to Attract the Man of Your Dreams
In order to attract the man of your dreams, it helps to dress in a way
that honors your beautiful body. When I use the word "honor," I don't
mean you should dress like a nun or hide yourself in an ankle-length
skirt and a turtleneck.
Get Your Exercise – Without Actually Exercising
With a few minor adjustments it is possible to get the exercise that is suggested and not go out of your way or spend money at the gym!When you think about exercising, have you ever wondered how you can fit it into your already busy day? That is what always crosses my mind..
Gardening Tips and Techniques
To open, various gardeners seek to steer clear of fall gardening as much as they can due to the winter frosts that often hail quite early and have the tendency to make things slightly difficult. Studying all you can in relation to fall gardening plus other gardening info will clearly prove advantageous to you in handling any hitches that might spring up.
HealthStyles Exercise Equipment Adds the Peloton Fitness Facility in Boulder, Colorado to their Commercial Sales Portfolio
HealthStyles Exercise Equipment Commercial Product Division has added another exclusive facility to their line-up of state-of-the-art Colorado fitness facilities. This 385 unit Peloton property, with its exceptional location in Boulder, is one of HealthStyles' premiere projects within the state.
Obesity Epidemic Alert: Is America's Aimless Hunt For A Quick Fix For Weight Loss Making The Obesity Epidemic Worse? New Ebook May Change Everything
As Americans scramble for fat burners, rapid weight loss diets and other quick fix ideas to lose weight, the obesity epidemic continues to get worse. Ask yourself, "Is the solution to the obesity epidemic right under our noses?" This new Ebook just released will change everything you thought you knew about achieving your health and fitness goals.
Are Saunas Good For Pregnancy?
Saunas are usually treated as relaxants and stress busters. Women who are accustomed to using saunas before pregnancy are not sure whether or not to continue using saunas after they find that they are pregnant. During pregnancy, the safety of your baby has to be of utmost concern.